Rocks on My Mind

As I've written about many times recently Bizzy and I do a lot of walking.  The last few days what I've been noticing is the increasing number of people who are replacing their green grass with rocks in their yards. In fact there were several houses in a row that had replaced some or all of their lawns with the same kinds of rocks.  Made me wonder if there was a door to door rock salesman, or did one neighbor say oh let's put a few rocks in the yard and when they ordered 100 instead of 100 rocks they got 100 lbs of rocks and shared them around.

I noticed these rocks because first of all - Bizz has several times climbed up on top of a larger rock to make a deposit of sorts.   I find that very very weird.  And oddly it reminded me of a trip to China where I had to use a squat toilet while wearing a somewhat narrow skirt - suffice it to say I keep wondering exactly what inspires him to make that decision where he had to keep his balance and do his business while not falling over.

Some neighbors have a more landscaped type look to their rocks with a few very attractive plants interspersed.

 

Again I find myself wondering why.  Is it because their are ecologically minded and are attempting to help conserve water?  Is it because they just cannot bear the thought of mowing the lawn on a regular basis?  Are they tired of fighting the endless invasion of weeds from the neighbors yard (and yes there are some houses where the yards are just choked with weeds - many of whom can seriously hurt a dog)?  Or is it because they are tired of paying the endlessly escalating water bills and figure this is a great way to save money in a rough economy?

 

 

It reminds me very much of my childhood home which had a sloped front yard which my mother had as an elaborate rock garden.  Lovely large rocks with lots of different plants and ground cover throughout.  I don't know if Mom realized that for a small child scaling the rock garden was the 60's version of a climbing wall. My friends and I would gather and figure out how to get from the bottom to top just by stepping on stones.  I also wonder if she knew about the day we put a cherry bomb in a hornet's nest in the rock garden. Not my idea or cherry bomb but it was an exciting day. 

 

The rock garden is gone now - the last time I went to visit my hometown I drove by and the rock garden with all its little plants had been replaced with a smooth green lawn.  Ironically here I'm watching lawns be replaced with rocks.

 

Personally I keep hoping to see people install drought resistant native Californian plants that would offer both water savings and green.  I've loved the colors of this spring and don't want to see them replaced with beige and gray stones.

 

 

For the flower lovers here are a few more flower photos and for the Bizz lovers there's also one of him in his new favorite place- standing on the bookcase looking out the window.

 



Before and After

This is the picture of Bizz on the Doggie Protective Services Facebook when he was looking to be adopted.



Here is our photo from adoption day - upper right hand corner.  These were the others adopted that day.  Can't remember why I wasn't carrying him except we were trying to keep him in the photo.

 

Here he is yesterday with his friend Pinky and his coat grown out.  He looks like a whole different dog.

6 Week Anniversary

Yesterday Bizz and I celebrated our 6 week anniversary.  I thought I'd give a status update on several areas:

1. Health - mine is improving - I've lost 6 lbs, walk 2-3 miles every day, have reduced my blood sugar to mostly normal levels (there was this bowl of pasta but let me not digress), reduced my insulin, sleep a full 8 hours per night and my skin is completely clear.  Bizz now has very clean white teeth, has gained 2.5 lbs and is at his perfect weight, walks 3 miles per day (on the days I miss a walk his Auntie Marina fills in) and his ear infections are hopefully improving.

2.  Happiness - mine has greatly improved - I laugh more, feel more connected to everyone, have incorporated many new friends into my life and have discovered the wonders a dog can do for you.  There was a great article in Time Magazine about Emotional Support Animals.  In the article they describe that stroking a dog can significantly reduce stress. I can attest to that. And when he is as soft and fluffy as Bizz I think he practically eliminates stress.  Our morning and evening cuddles make me extremely relaxed.  I think Bizz is happy too. Despite his stress when I'm not around he has everything he needs and his tail wags continuously.

3.  Changing my life - that has happened.  I have launched my own marketing consulting business and at this point have worked with 4 customers and I'm in the process of signing two more (fingers crossed).  I exercise at least 1.5 hours per day - most days 2 including both walking and playing fetch in the yard, I sleep 8 hours a night when I used to scrape by on 4 or 5 hours, and I am actually more social - though I'm not sure how long friends are going to tolerate eating all meals with me outside.  Bizz life has changed as well.  8 weeks ago he was in a shelter sentenced to death. Then he was rescued, put in a kennel and forced to wait for someone to love him.  Now he has many people who love him, his roster of honorary aunts grows daily, and he is groomed, fed, and how many people do you know with 5 beds? 

So after six weeks I think I can safely say our life together has made an excellent start.  Thank you to everyone who reads this blog. I am thrilled to welcome everyone from the USA, Russia, Germany, Canada, South Korea, UK, India, Australia, France, Germany and Romania.  And please do share the blog with anyone you think might enjoy sharing our journey.

To thank you all and keep you coming back for more I did a little filming today so here are a few videos of Bizz playing fetch with his baby Pinky.

 

Dogs Behaving Badly

Well, it's official - Bizz and I completed our 7 Basic Manners 1 Obedience Class.  We mastered all 7 of the behaviors - Sit, Down, Leave it, Let's Go, Come, Wait, and Walking on a Loose Leash.  Our certificate is hanging on the bulletin board over my printer.

 There are a few bad behaviors that we are still working on. Not leaping on me 5-10 times when I return from an absence, not jumping on the dining room table, kitchen counter or his new favorite - the bookcase.  Though I must say while the bookcase is a treasured family heirloom (it held our set of encyclopedias throughout my childhood) - driving up and seeing his little face looking out the window is so impossibly cute I'm not sure I want to break that behavior.  I'm thrilled to say he is obeying the commands for Marina as well.  He does like to bark at scary strangers and periodically he will snap at another dog - usually one much bigger than he is.  And his worst bad behavior - his innate instinct to mark every aisle of the pet store we go to for  his kibble.

So I've been doing a lot of apologizing lately for his bad behavior - to other dog owners, strangers who get barked at and the poor folks at the pet store.  And most people are terrific about it and tell me not to worry.   They understand he's a dog and he's just doing what dogs like to do.  But we're working on it.

This all came to my mind after a meeting when one person apologized for someone else's bad behavior. It suddenly occurred to me - why is she having to apologize? Why should anyone except the person behaving badly have to say they are sorry?  It occurred to me again as I heard Reese Witherspoon - an actress I've always enjoyed - behaved incredibly badly to a policeman who pulled her husband over for a DUI.  She was abusive, rude and most of all condescending to the policeman who was doing his job.  She has put out a sincere apology but she is avoiding doing press for her current movie because she doesn't want to answer questions or perhaps do an on camera apology.

All this brought to mind an old story from when I worked in New Holland PA at a subsidiary of Rochester Telephone.  We had a service rep embedded at one of our biggest customers.  She went to meetings and processed all of their orders.  Well that customer was sold and her job went into a kind of limbo so she was assigned several of our other large customers.  Another  customer was purchased and a new operations person came in - a woman.  Our sales rep decided she didn't like her and went over her head to the person she used to work with.  Sadly she went to someone who was no longer in the chain of command and was bounced back to the person she'd just stepped on. And the operations manager went to our VP and told him - if you want to keep our business she's never allowed near our offices or us again.  It was shocking to everyone.  He apologized for her bad behavior and immediately assigned a new sales person. 

I think of this because I wonder what would have happened if the rep had made her own sincere apologies. And I do mean sincere.  It seems to me that making things right needs to be the responsibility of the individual, just as they must own responsibility for the outcome of their actions.  

 Since Bizz can't speak and he is, after all, a dog, his bad behavior is my responsibility hence I own the apologies that come along with the behavior.  And believe me until I find a class for no barking, jumping or marking I'm doing a lot of apologizing.

Bizz lying in the sunshine on a piece of furniture he is allowed on.

Rules of Engagement

A recurring theme in many of my conversations with fellow dog owners, friends and clients is the rules of engagement.   With dogs there are clear rules (note that I am writing them as I've learned them - not the strict rules):

1.  When you approach a dog ask if it is ok to pet the dog.  Little girls just love how fluffy Bizz is and he never snaps at people so I'm always happy to say yes.  If I see a child looking at him and I can tell they want to touch him, I always check in with their parents first if it is ok.
2.   If you have a dog and are approaching one ask if it is ok for the dogs to meet. I have had several owners tell me their dogs bark, bite, lunge or don't like small dogs.  Others say yes and we always chuckle at the traditional dog sniff and wag. 
3.   Never offer a dog something to eat without asking if it is ok.  I always have to tell clerks that Bizz is very fussy and most likely won't take their treat but they are welcome to try.  But some dogs are on strict diets and you need to honor the owners requirements.

In the real world there are rules of engagement as well.  The tremendous challenge is that everyone's rules are very very different.  In a recent Politico article about the executive and managing editors of the New York Times it seems the rules are a bit bizarre.  The woman is criticized by her subordinates  for traveling for her job to high profile events while the man is celebrated for punching walls but not people when he is upset.  My question would be why is she ever in the office at all?  Her job is to represent the paper and manage it effectively at the most senior level.  4 Pulitzer prizes and increased digital media are pretty good in an age when papers are struggling to survive.  She is delivering results and pays attention to the details and expects people to perform. However, people don't like her voice (like any of us can do anything about our voice by the time we're over 40) or her brusqueness.  The man is considered charming and caring because he attends going away parties, but I would bet he was already in the office so attendance did not involve sacrificing work.  I would love to see everyone write down what the New York Times rules of engagement are and then compare them all across the board.

As I work with my business partner we have also been having a lot of conversations about our rules of engagement. In a recent meeting we had a very open and honest talk about what kinds of behavior are acceptable and what kinds create an uncomfortable environment.  It was refreshing to be able to talk about what sorts of behavior are and are not acceptable and to have the shared agreement about what we want our corporate culture to be. 

Google has a motto/slogan that sums up their rules of engagement- Don't Be Evil.  A great rule of engagement for everyone - too bad no one talked to Bernie Madoff about this.

My personal rules of engagement continue to evolve.  I think about this frequently as I engage with new clients. My goal is to  be true to myself and my own happiness.  Being a success is meaningless if you are miserable in the life you are leading. 

A very long time ago when I was a nanny my boss introduced me to "the richest man you'll ever meet".  He was worth 500 million dollars.  I was awed since that kind of money was unbelievable.  And he was extremely nice to me - in fact when we went to lunch in Montauk at a fish and chips place he gave me a $500 bill to go get the food.  I brought back his change and he told me to keep it.   A $450 tip which paid for all my books at college for the next year.  I was so grateful and profuse in my thanks and he thought nothing of it.  The next day was spent at his house where I saw what real wealth can buy -an enormous house, two pools, a pond that he'd had built (which made no sense to me since he had the pools and we were right next to the ocean), and amazing furnishings.  His children each had their own personal nanny and talked down to my two charges because they had to "share" me.  But with all the trappings of success I saw that his wife was anorexic and lived in fear of food (she kept asking me how many calories things had in them and then refusing to touch any of it); his children seemed endlessly stressed and whiny and he was surrounded with yes people.  From my perspecitve he never had a real conversation with anyone.  My mother had told my step dad that I would see how the other half lived that summer, he said I'd see how .001% lived. 

On a side note - I've had the privilege of meeting a number of billionaires in the course of my life including Bill Gates and Sheryl Sandberg - so my boss was wrong in assuming I'd never meet anyone richer.  I will however always think of him fondly - he was generous, funny and had a wonderful laugh. 

So bringing this all back to the rules of engagement - everyone has to find their own way and determine what rules of engagement

they can and can't live with.  However, just remember, ask before you pat my dog. 

 

Bizz and Teddy

Maltipoo Attachment Disorder (MAD Dog)

Now I will confess, I am incredibly fond of my dog.  But he is REALLY attached to me.  I had to leave him for 2 hours this morning to go get some physical therapy on my shoulder. When I got home I was talking to a client on the phone in the car.  I didn't immediately go inside because with the phone, the purse and the door I was very worried how I would handle his charging at me. Then I looked up and to my surprise saw Bizz with his head through the blinds looking at me and barking. Since the blinds are over the window and the  window is several feet off the ground I was thinking what the hell?

When I got inside Bizz was a little tornado - jumping and spinning around the room for joy.   He had jumped up on a low bookcase under the window that had a very expensive glass vase on it.  So the vase has now moved.  The bookcase is encased in a throw.  And Bizz now has a new seat from which to supervise my comings and goings.

 Marina came over so I could go to a business lunch and told me that Bizz was devastated when I left - whining and hunting through the house. And jumping on the bookcase again - thank goodness I moved the vase. And he systematically took all my shoes out of the bedroom and scattered them in the hallway and livingroom. I'm not sure how to interpret that but I'm working on it.

So what do I mean by Maltipoo Attachment Disorder?  Well I sent a note to the Maltipoo Rescue asking them if this behavior is just my dog or all of them.  Maltipoo's are now an acknowledged AKC breed and were bred for one very specific purpose - to be a companion dog.  Their love and loyalty are intrinsic to their very genetic code.  And many of the owners are experiencing the same thing.

Having Maltipoo Rescue on Facebook is like having an extended family to turn to for guidance.  I think back to when I was growing up with a cat.  All I knew about cats I learned from the encyclopedia and whatever books I acquired about cats.  And of course by asking people.  Instead today I ask a question to the group and have advice galore come back to me.

So this evening when I leave for my business dinner Bizz will be provided with a Kong stuffed with peanut butter, a detailed explanation of where I'm going and Auntie Marina to take him on a walk.  So hopefully this will help with his MAD issues.  Now the only question is what to do about mine?

 

Bizz and I in Half Moon Bay.  It was a breezy cold day - so glad I wore shorts.

 

What happens in Dog Park, stays in Dog Park

I knew that the Los Gatos Creek Trail dog park had become Bizz' favorite when he brought me his leash to walk him and when we went outside he stubbornly sat at the car waiting for me to open the door so we could drive there.  I think he likes it because he gets to play with dogs his size and not the bigger bullying dogs.  I can't tell you how much big dogs like to jump on him.  He's only 14 lbs so having a 50 lbs dog jump on you cannot be pleasant.  In fact what I noticed is that much like in the rest of life there were dog bullies lurking about - dogs that liked to jump on little dogs who are just doing the meet and sniff, dogs that like to bark and lunge at the tinier dogs through the fence.  All very interesting.

The idea of bullying is another one of those themes that I've been noticing a lot in recent weeks.  The young women who've been bullied after being sexually assaulted, and have committed suicide - one in the town right next to where I live.  And the bullying in schools, offices and the ultimate bullies - people who hurt unsuspecting innocents who are just trying to run in a marathon.

I just don't understand bullying.  I believe in live and let live for everyone's beliefs - as long as you don't try to impose your beliefs on me and you don't hurt anyone then we're fine. 

I remember my first encounter with a real bully.  He was  a kid that sat next to me in homeroom in the 7th grade.  I won't say his last name but his first name was Alfonso. I am still convinced his dad was connected with the mob - a made man so to speak - so no last names.  And every day after I took my seat he would punch me full force in my right arm.  And I took it. My mom had always told me that because I was taller and stronger than most kids my age hitting someone was not permitted. And of course there was the code - you don't rat to the teacher.  I put up with this for weeks until one night I was undressing and my mom saw how spectacularly bruised my shoulder was. I explained what was going on and she wanted to call the teacher. I begged her not to and she told me I had to defend myself.  So the next day when Alfonso pulled back his arm to punch me I leaned in and told him my mom had given me permission to beat the bleep out of him so if he hit me again that was what would happen.  He backed down immediately.

I have encountered other bullies along my life's path - people who had a different form of strength in terms of power over me, my job, my career - and I've seen how much damage people like that can do.  They make you feel powerless and helpless. However, what I have learned is that bullies only have power when you let them.  You don't have to stay silent and passive.  You can take action and get away from them and you can speak up and make your voice heard.  And most of all you don't have to let them take up residence inside your head.

So while what happens in dog park stays in dog park - you don't have to stay there yourself.

Bizz not bullying Pinky.